Base Tours

General Ripper:

I would like to inquire about the availability of base tours for a group of Cub Scouts from the aera. They would particularly be interested in any ofd the site used in the move Dr. Strangelove, including the coke machine, computer room, etc.

Please let me know of any dates available. The group would be approximately 8 children and 2 adults.

Thanks

Larry Ciummo (USAF-ret)

Date: Thu, 18 Feb 2010 19:06:48 -0800
From: Doctor Strangelove
Subject: Re: Base Tours

Colonel Ciummo,

I am sorry, but the base is on an extended heightened level of security which does not even allow access to active duty personnel other than those assigned here. The Coke machine is currently on display at the National Museum of the Smithsonian Institution in Washington D.C. The computer room has been "modernized" and completely refitted no fewer than five times since 1964 and is one of the most highly restricted areas in the entire defense architecture. You would have an easier time getting your boys access to the area behind the curtain in the CIC of a modern Arleigh-Burke IIa class destroyer.

General Ripper's office was in a building that no longer exists, as it was torn down in the late 1970s to make way for a beautiful new BX, which unfortunately is currently in a state of disuse because of the inability of dependants and retirees to access the base under the current level of security. I will however ask if there is some way that we can get special permission for your boys to tour the old, abandoned SAC alert pad, and possibly visit the firing range on the other side of the base. No doubt a group of 8-10 year old boys would relish a chance to fire M-16s at drums full of water.

Sincerely,
-Strangelove, PhD

Date: Fri, 19 Feb 2010 14:34:16 -0500
Subject: Re: Base Tours
From: Larry
To: Doctor Strangelove

Very well Dr, - we'll await any news you may have.
V/R
Ciummo

From: Doctor Strangelove
Subject: Re: Base Tours

Larry,

The new base commander, General Harper has informed me that it is possible to have a tour group in the lower security areas, including the abandoned old SAC alert pad and the base firing range. This is contingent upon a security check on all adult members of the group who will be attending, and the temporary implantation of suppository individual tracking devices (SITDs).

General Matteo, head of base security also asked me to include the following boilerplate, but assures me that this is only in the event that something suspicious were to occur during the tour:

"At the end of the tour all adult members of the tour will be subject to a full search, pat-down and cavity check for contraband items at the discretion of the base commander [General Harper, USAF]. It is also at the discretion of the commander to provide privacy screening if it is deemed necessary or if more than one inspector per adult is required."

I guess we can't be too careful in these trying times. If you can provide me with a list of those who will attend, I can pass on the paperwork to the base security office. I look forward to hearing from you.

Ciao,
-Strangelove

Date: Sun, 21 Feb 2010 19:18:36 -0500
Subject: Re: Base Tours
From: Larry
To: Doctor Strangelove
Envelope-To: merkwurdiglieben@burpelsonafb.com

Doctor, under those circumstances, I think we will pass on the base tour.

I contacted General Schwarz at the Pentagon, and the offered the boys a 24 hour "camp-in" at a 5th bomb wing missile alert facility at Minot AFB. The boys are excited at their chance to be future "missile-eers', and I have to admit, I anxious to see how these guys pass the time waiting for Armageddon. I'm going to read them my favorite "post-Apocalyptic" novels - "The Road."

Till we meet again,
v/r
Ciummo

Date: Sun, 21 Feb 2010 16:41:04 -0800
Subject: Re: Base Tours
From: Doctor Strangelove

Larry,

That sounds like tremendous fun! Wish I could come along. General Harper and I are planning on making a trip to the ICBM Titan II museum south of Tucson, in the not too distant future. But a sleep-over in an actual underground ICBM launch control facility would amazing!

I enjoyed The Road tremendously, but kept picturing the kid as my nephew, so it also made me very sad. Have you read Alas Babylon, On the Beach, Earth Abides, Lucifer's Hammer, Arc Light, Canticle for Liebowitz, Aftermath, or The Postman, Those are some of my favorites. On the Beach is probably the best, but also the most depressing.

If you post photos from your trip, I would be very interested to see them. Hope you will keep me in mind afterwards, and have a wonderful time during. :)

Ciao,
-Merkwurdiglieben